i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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