You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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