it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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