my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
