Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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