apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
