Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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