Already got asked if we're dating
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
