the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
