I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
