if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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