Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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