Umm I'm too high to move.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
