Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
