Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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