So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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