Sry I called you an 8
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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