"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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