apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
