Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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