If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
