oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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