What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
