it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
