If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
