WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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