I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
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its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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