Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
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He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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