did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
