Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
