you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
