My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
