So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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