Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
