Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
