I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He better not be in your backpack
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
