i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
