no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
