how can u be prego again
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
