I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
