I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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