I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
MIDGETS
????
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
