I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??