well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
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Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"