I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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