Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  my phone needs a breathalizer

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  (413): my phone needs a breathalizer http://tfl.nu/d0rn
  Replies (15) Good night (2299) Bad night (601)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van

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  (727): Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van http://tfl.nu/7qz4
  Replies (13) Good night (2135) Bad night (670)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.

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  (410): Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning. http://tfl.nu/oj20
  Replies (7) Good night (631) Bad night (3597)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.

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  (410): I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs. http://tfl.nu/xa92
  Replies (85) Good night (8431) Bad night (1211)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.

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  (+44): The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps. http://tfl.nu/azhr
  Replies (14) Good night (6760) Bad night (1412)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously

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  (210): Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously http://tfl.nu/22yg
  Replies (21) Good night (2297) Bad night (4224)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.

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  (978): So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show. http://tfl.nu/9mds
  Replies (16) Good night (3779) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store

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  (305): you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store http://tfl.nu/0ult
  Replies (25) Good night (4781) Bad night (1163)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen

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  (920): I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen http://tfl.nu/zyec
  Replies (7) Good night (3773) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.

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  (251): I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts. (478): Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions. http://tfl.nu/kp4v
  Replies (13) Good night (2895) Bad night (1120)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?

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  (402): I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do? http://tfl.nu/fl2n
  Replies (5) Good night (804) Bad night (1086)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.

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  (248): He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased. http://tfl.nu/h9lw
  Replies (8) Good night (1912) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.

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  (770): All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life. http://tfl.nu/y2ti
  Replies (4) Good night (878) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.

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  (914): I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm. http://tfl.nu/kbjg
  Replies (13) Good night (1486) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts

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  (+61): As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts http://tfl.nu/kck3
  Replies (9) Good night (2029) Bad night (457)

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