Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole