mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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