You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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