They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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