Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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