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would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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