Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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