I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize