I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize