I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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