so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
