did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
