just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
