I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
