Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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