Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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