Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
