While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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