Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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