I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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