Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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