I hope my margaritas pass through security.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you had me at cake vodka
PS: I just woke up from my shower
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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