i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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