you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
