lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
