i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
