hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
