what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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