this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
