I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
