So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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