Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
