bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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